I have always been puzzled by the need/desire to be connected to so many people I am really not connected to. Sure, I would at least say hi to most of my Facebook friends if I saw them in reality, but they are very few that I would say actually, truly know me. In fact, I would like to think that my wall let's you know me, but is that entirely true? I have a Seinfeld app on my wall. I love Seinfeld, but I haven't really watched that show in years. If I was to be totally honest, I would put up a Battlestar Galactica app, but I don't. Why? Because partially because of Jim Halpert dissing Dwight Strute. But mostly, I want me wall to reflect not me, but the ideal me. I project that which I want you to see. I guess to simplify things: we all wear masks, but my Facebook mask makes me look better than the mask that I can wear in public. My Facebook mask can have videos on it.
Facebook is like a gas station that doesn't take a card at the pump. Or at least that is what makes sense in my mind. When I have to choose between a gas station where I can pay at the pump, or one that I have to go inside to pay, I will choose the pay at the pump every time. In fact, I have intentionally gone a little out of my way, wasting gas, to find a gas station that I can pay at the pump. The reason is that paying at the pump minimizes my contact with people. Crazy thought for an extrovert, but I like the concept of the bare minimum human contact with those I don't really know. Facebook allows me to thrive on this. I can write quick comments on your wall, in and out, and I never have to really look you in the eyes.
Facebook’s popularity must tie into some intrinsic need that people have. Maybe it is a need to fuel my human desire for curiosity. I wonder how this person is doing; what is going on with them; or, the very spiritual: how can I pray for them. Anything to justify my desire to snooping. We get mad at Facebook snoopers, but we publish the ideal us for them to see. We update our status, upload photos from our camera, and send each other posts. The truth is that by our won actions we prove that we want snoopers, or I might word it; we want people to be interested in us. There are few things as odd to me as the update. Who cares if I am doing laundry now or watching a show. I need to publish my activities? To what end? We want/need to be known. Sometimes we are trying to make statements about who we are, sometimes they are the equivalent of a kid screaming in the supermarket, or maybe they are passive forms of asking for investment or attention.
I hit 800 friends on Facebook today. 800 people that I am pretty sure I mostly know. 750 people that I think I would talk to and be at least on the surface polite with. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad those 800 people accepted me as friend, but what type of relationships can I possibly hope to have with all those people. Michael Phelps locked up Facebook after he won the gold medals in the Olympics due to his friend requests over-maxed the Facebook limit of 5,000. 'It’s funny,' Phelps said. 'Every now and then you get on Facebook and you have people you see and you’re like, "Wow, I went to school with them and they never said a single word to me and now they’re trying to be my friend." I think it’s funny.' Why so many, a popularity game for all to see, or maybe a popularity game in my own head? Regardless, I have 800 friends, how many do you have?
You see Facebook is safe. I can be the ideal me, having limited and very protected relationships with people, and find a place where I hope that people will notice me and see me as a unique and special individual. Pity me if this is the only way that I can find it. Sorting through the masks, blinded by my own, just hoping that one more person will add me as friend. Facebook is not the place for me to build relationships, but maybe at its best it can be a place for me to maintain them.
A friend just referred me to a cool article. Link at:
ReplyDeletehttp://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/10/08/facebook-friends-poor-social-adjustment/
Well put Josh!!
ReplyDeleteBy the way...LOVED the story about "Lindy"...only you would say that and then have it bite you in the rear! Hahaha!!! :)
I have this thing I do.
ReplyDeleteIf I haven't actually talked to a friend in over six months, they get deleted from Facebook.
some people think that's ridiculous. But I think it's fun. It's clear that it's just a number to have...And not based on whether they'd prefer my friendship or not.
I liked what you had to say. I'd tend to think many would disagree with you, but I feel it's because it doesn't sit well with them to think that Facebook is shallow.
However, everything is what you make of it.
I also didn't find the evidence in that study fantastically holistic. One college of 70 students? They should be mildly ashamed of themselves! It's hardly empirical evidence, though I think it may be true in many senses.
We've met a few times, but I don't think I'd add you on Facebook because I don't plan on having continual contact with you (no offence- really), even though we may live in the same city. If I were involved with CC College age group, then sure, but if I have only met someone a few times, I tend to not try and find them on Facebook.
People theorize that computer programs will eventually lead to a world full of people that don't know how to inter-act with others when face-to-face. The annonimity of the computer lets us be free to be who we want to be without the worry of criticism or any social gaffs. We need to break away from them occasionally and re-connect with humanity.
ReplyDelete